These days are emotional. Filled with sentiments and nostalgia. Maybe it`s the missing sun. Or the anniversary of going to the clinic, last year, and the year before…
I really don`t know, and it also doesn`t matter.
I just returned from a beautiful evening walk. It was chilly and oh so green from all the rain we` ve been having. I felt kind of heavy – in my body and in my heart.
But I also felt new-ness and healing…
Accepting.
Who I am and what I do and what I did.
It`s all okay and a part of my journey.
I very much feel like I don`t fit in, or I don`t do or say the „right“ things.
But that really doesn`t matter. What matters, is what`s inside of me.
My attitude, my balance, myself.
That`s how people survive terrible things. That`s how people do great things.
Because they still have light and love inside their heart and souls…
So as I was wandering through the woods, my thoughts wandered to the subject of love.
How I am on the path of finding love within myself. But also, that I want and miss feeling and giving that love to someone.
I am still recovering from loosing my first love.
It takes time. There are days, yes even weeks that are filled with so much other stuff, I don`t even have time to think about it.
But then, suddenly, there it is again.
That heavy feeling ond my chest.
Hurt. Loss. Loneliness.
Sometimes it`s a word, a memory or just an episode of friends, that brings it all back…
Anyways – back to the woods.
As I was walking, thinking about love and letting go my fear of never finding it again, I found this:
Yes. A heart shaped rock.
So very powerful.
So, I felt and knew, I am on the right path. The path of loving myself more each day. And also the path of finding a soul, that belongs next to mine.
One that is just as quirky, one that is a dreamer, thinker, adventure seeker and free spirit, like I am.
It is out there. And we will find eachother, when we`re both ready…
Love.
Sara
